The Stigma of Speed Dating
Singles participate in a group ice breaker before a We Met IRL speed dating event
Since roughly 2022, speed dating and singles events have become extremely trendy, especially among people in their 20s and 30s. While droves of people are rushing to attend this retro, fun take on dating, there’s another group of people that aren’t interested. Let’s talk about the disconnect today.
I’ve been hosting speed dating events in New York City for the past 2 and a ½ years with my business, We Met IRL. When I tell people about my business I either get an immediate excited response, or I get a more hesitant one, where people will ask something like, “do those events even work?”. I can talk about speed dating all day so I welcome any type of questioning, but it’s always been obvious to me that there’s a stigma around speed dating.
I think the most obvious reason is because it’s not “cool” to be seen trying.
When it comes to dating, and probably lots of other things, it’s cool to say you want the thing, but when you take the steps to reach that goal, it’s not as cool as it was in your imagination. I remember when I was in college and dating apps started to become a national, very popular thing. This was around 2017, and I remember most of my friends and peers were surprised I was using them. They found it odd to meet people online, and others found it embarrassing to admit they actually used them. Fast forward to 2024, and things are very different. It’s almost more shocking to meet a person that hasn’t tried online dating in some capacity. Additionally, people are a lot more open to talking about the apps, their likes, dislikes etc.
Another element of the stigma surrounding speed dating is that people don't want to seem desperate. I think this is more common amongst men, but it’s still relevant to women as well. When I first started marketing my dating events to men, the most common response I received was something like, “no thanks, I’m not that desperate”. This surprised me, because the first question I asked was usually about dating and the troubles they were having. When offered a possible solution to their frustrations with dating apps, they were still very hesitant to try speed dating.
Over the past three years of hosting dating events, I’ve realized that for men, it seems like attending a singles event is admitting that you have trouble meeting women, or finding women to date. I really dislike this mindset, but I understand the sentiment.
Similar to dating apps, I think the only way to overcome the stigma is for more and more people to continue trying it out. Luckily this is currently the case, especially in New York City. I’m seeing new singles events at least once a month and it’s exciting to see my generation experimenting and going back to the basics when it comes to dating.
I’m a firm believer in the fact that we weren’t meant to meet online. Nothing will ever compare to face to face interactions, and though an algorithm can predict attraction, ultimately it’s a very personal, intuitive, human experience. I’m really excited for the future of singles events, and what’s ahead.
If you're curious about speed dating and want to learn more about hosting your own events, check out my comprehensive guide or sign up for one of my upcoming webinars. Click here to get started!
Thanks for reading,
Maxine
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